I have taken two days off to chillax, spend some time with the kids and generally do alot of nothing. But what happens? I wake up at 3am with a list of jobs, ideas and plans for the next two days.
I kept telling myself to go to sleep, to relax, but that is like telling a child to sit quietly on a bouncy castle- it just ain't gonna happen.
So, I figured I would get up and clear my head by getting all of these jumbled thoughts into word form.
Ok, so heres how my thought pattern goes.....
1. School Uniforms
I really want to sort out M & J's school uniforms. New term, they need to look presentable for the first week at least. Because J's trackpants are what I like to refer to as ventilated. And extremely embarrassing to me-although he doesn't seem to mind that much. But I hate sending my precious child to school looking like a waif.
Which made me think about....
2. Money
Because if J needs new track pants money has to be involved somewhere.
I have just recently taken over looking after the finances because I am so aware of Js birthday at the end of this month, Christmas looming, M starting high school (needing a uniform for that) that I felt I needed a plan that we were working toward. A and I work VERY differently when it comes to money, housekeeping, work and most areas of life. But I think that is why we work so well together. Where one pushes the other one pulls and we create perfect balance. It can be a bit tricky finding that balance point and there is alot of falling from side to side but when we are there it is absolute peace.
Thinking about money made me think about all my.....
3. Needs/Wants/Luxuries
As a parent you put yourself on the bottom of a very long list of necessities. You just keep making do until you are at the point where you just can't make do anymore. Then if you are like me, you go and do something stupid! Usually involving spending too much money or acting like a real grumpy cow, ruining the days you took off to make memories with your family.
Well, I am at the place of "I need something for me" but I don't know how to get it without feeling guilty and selfish (a place I often find myself)!
Which made me think about, what do I really want....
4. Investment
As a wife, mum, P.T., being Ang, I'm a giving person. I love to bless other people with encouragement, food, support, food, love, and food. I like feeding people.
How do I invest in myself?
What do I get pleasure from?
What fills my tank?
Why do I get sooooooooo resentful when A goes and does what he wants? When I think he should be doing something else? Not that he is off doing major things. It could just be that he went for a run. Which should be commended not condemned. Its that he is taking time for himself and I don't know how to cope with that.
Mainly because the ways I like to invest in myself involve money and there are so many more important areas that the money can go to.
I can justify spending it on me, I can justify not spending it on me. ARGH!
But what makes me feel good?
5. Pampering!!
I'm vain! Im not ashamed to admit it. I like looking pretty. For the last 2 years it has all been about losing weight and getting fit.
But now it is more about finding the place where I feel beautiful, strong, fit and can still enjoy cooking and eating food.
Which seems to be about 10kg heavier than what the charts say I should be. Not that I give a fat rats what charts say because scales are for fish not people.
BUT, my clothes are a bit snugger, my options of what to wear is a bit narrower and the oath that I took to myself about getting a mani/pedi every month as a reward to myself when I started working has way gone to the wayside.
6. Planning
So I start thinking, wouldn't today be a great opportunity to take some time out (just for me) and get a mani/pedi and some new undergarments. The red pitched forked fella on my right shoulder is saying, "Hell Yeah! You deserve it! Go for it baby!" While the white robed harp carrying dude on my left shoulder is pleading, "Just be thankful for what you have. You don't need that to make you happy."
So what to do?
7. Decisions
I get up. I look at the budget. I realise that more bills need to come out next pay then were budgeted for. I juggle. It will work. It will be tight (when hasn't it been??? seriously) but we will get through.
So what am I going to do? I don't know yet. I will talk to my balance buddy and decide from there.
But I can say this, the sunrise was tinged a lovely colour of red and I can't see a harp in sight. ;)
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