Christmas Reflections….

There is a lot to be said about the benefits of relaxation and slowing down. Not that I would have bought into that a few months ago. It was all about what you achieved, regardless of the method to get there.

This Christmas however (in light of what I have been trying to learn) has been very different from that.

This year we had two gifts on the 15th of Dec and a list. We had no budget (as yet) but A had plans in the making. I happily let him take the helm of the finances and how we did the gift buying and how much we would be spending.
Previously I would have a list for everything and expectations of HOW it should be and I would be a bundle of Christmas panic & stress! Not much fun at all!
I would have been doing more and feeling less of what Christmas is really about, peace and joy.
I would have been nipping at A because I was doing this, that and the other and what was HE bringing to the table? Poor fella it would never be enough.

This year it was enough for me to…

-concentrated on what I was going to bake and docummenting my moments on Facebook. Self indulgent perhaps but very satisfying!

-trust A. Let him be the champion and I wasn't disappointed!

-enjoy the children, letting them take time to do what they enjoyed at their pace, not my schedule. Making sure I consciusly savour every moment. I am highly aware that these wonderful little and grown up people aren't going to live under my roof for many more years, so I squeeze the pleasures of every cuddle, giggle and did you see that? moment.

-not take on more, to release the extra "stuff" that would not add to me but would have me take away from what was truly important. More buying, more spending, more hours, more, more, more!

-Laugh and have fun! Dressing up as Angel-A (see photo), singing Christmas carols, watching movies and being accessible to those around me.

-tear toast. One of my highlights this Christmas was going to my parents house while my Mom was making the stuffing. As a girl my job was to toast the bread and tear it into small pieces for her to turn into YUMMY stuffing! I wanted my children to smell the smells of Christmas as I remembered them.

-eat, drink and be merry! I ate whatever I chose! Drank- COKE! Over indulged and not one ounce of guilt was given! Still trying to find the balance in my eating (which I will) but I savoured all I wanted to and left the "I really shouldn't" or " I wonder how long I need to run/workout/torture myself to work this off"or "how many calories are in this?" (while frantically reading the label and calculating if I ate only a quarter of it I should be ok.)

-sing with unabashed passion Christmas carols at church on Christmas morning. What I lack in talent I make up for in enthusiasm :p

-be excited and thankful!

Christmas 2013 may have not been the most lavish in worldly terms but it was the most stupendous victory for me.

A New Normal….

Well, after forty two years it appears that I have got it all wrong! My very organised (a.k.a. I like to be in control) personality was actually doing my health no favours.
After five months of dealing with a chronic sinus infection that wasn't either chronic or a sinus infection but simply turn out to be the effects of me pushing myself too hard for too long. I am now trying to figure out what is good for me and what isn't.

I have always believed that you have a goal and you set your mind on that goal and you do whatever is needed to achieve that goal. No excuses, no variables, you just did it.
Whether the goal be clean the house or lose 25kg . You just pulled up your big girl panties and did it!
But it wasn't enough to just do it. If you cleaned the house, better bake as well and 30kg is better than 25kg. Enough is never enough.

So now I am trying to figure out what is enough? What is the real important stuff to focus on? What is success?

What does it truly look like to ME?

Unfortunately or fortunately I have very little answers at the moment. My head is in a very muddily place and I am questioning what I thought I knew before.

What do I know? Really deep down in my core believe.

1. God is real and he loves me! Jesus die for me and has a plan for my life!

2. The devil is real and want to destroy me.

3. Relationships mean everything. Stuff will burn, but relationships are eternal.

4. A, the kids and my family are on the top of the list. They get sacrificed far too easily and quickly.

5.Women need women! Where would I be without my women friends?

6. I LOVE what I do! I am able to speak into women's lives on a daily basis and tell them that not only are they ok, they a FABULOUS!!

7. I will NEVER ever go on a diet again! I want to eat in a way that makes me feel healthy and able to move my body. Some times thats cheesecake and others it fruit.

8. Exercise is vital for my wellbeing.

9. I'm ok just as I am today, even if I don't feel it. I don't need anyone else to make me ok. I CAN trust myself.

WOW! I know more that I realised.

Now I just need to put it into action, gently and slowly.